An Update On The Ravishing Ekaterinochka and Me, Richie.

I am advised by everyone who cares for me to proceed with caution. However, dear readers, please recall Manfred Mann's great tune:
Blinded By The Light:
"Mama always told me not to look into the eye's of the sun"
"But Mama, that's where the fun is"

I've always been a sucker for a good tune with a profound lyric, particularly one with a funky break.
So I bought some sun glasses (three friendly babuskas told me which one looked good on me), and I've agreed to send Katya $384 to fly her here from Dnepropetrovsk, where ever that is.

I did put her off until Monday or Tuesday of next week. Previously, I had viewed older women with no kids...UGH The thing is that the 35 to 45 year old women are much older here than they are in LA where they eat right, hit the salons, hit the gyms daily and look in the mirror, etc.
But out of deference to my kid brother, Michael and my new dear friends, Irish Joe and his lovely wife Rachel, I will spend some time before Katya arrives (panting, panting)seeking out older women with grown kids who could stay here without their mom.

I have included Katya's profile that appeared under her photo, read it if you dare:


More photos Ekaterinochka, Kiev, Ukraine, 26 y.o., Leo
Last visit:30.08.2007 07:03


Email meFlirtHotlist

I am looking for: Man.
Purpose of acquaintance: Friendship; Long-term relationship; Marriage; Birth of a child; Room-mating; Regular sex; Casual dating; Joint travels.


General Information:

Marital status: Single

Appearance:

Height: 5'5" (1m 65cm) Body type: Normal
Hair: Blonde

Social Status:

Orientation: Straight Want more kids: Yes
Relocate?: Yes Languages: English, Russian
Smoking: Non-Smoker Drinking: Socially
Going out: Amusement Parks, Beach Hobbies: Entertaining, Shopping, Traveling/Weekend Trips/Adventure Travel


Ideal Partner:

Info about a partner: I seek my future love...

Sexual Preferences:

Heterosexual experience: Yes, we lived together Homosexual experience: No
How often do you want to have sex?: At least once a day Breast size: Medium
Sex preferences: Kisses, Massage, Petting, Cunnilingus, Submission

What would you do????

Time For a Different Approach: HONESTY With Ekaterinochoka!!!

After my depressing date with Olga, and being surrounded by young beautiful women who barely notice me,I decided to head to the marriage agency where I first met Tom,Mike and Barry. I told the young lady in charge, an efficient, serious woman, that I wanted a wife and I was not seeking casual sex.

I had gotten dressed up and I thought I looked great.

She looked at me and asked, "How old are you?"
I prevaricated and replied, "56?"
"What age lady are you interested in?"
"Jamie said I should search 25 to 32."
She said studying me, "Don't be offended but you should search 35 to 45."
I looked at some of these women on her computer and they were old and tired looking. They look much better in the US at that age.
I wasn't offended , but I was disappointed and down hearted...and I left pondering life as I see it.

Then I decided that like Term Insurance, honesty is the best policy.


Most serendipitously, Ekaterinochka (Katya to her familiars that's her picture) has been emailing me to call her.

She lives with her parents in Dnepropetrovsk far from Kiev, seven hours by train.

So I sent her this email Richard Hassan [14:31 27.08.2007]:

Dear lovely Katya
I will send you money to take the train to Kiev. WE MUST see if we are compatible. I love you, but you may not like me forever as I am older than you..
HOWEVER I HAVE AN ANSWER FOR THAT.

If we marry. After two years you can stay in America legally or go back and forth to anywhere. You can divorce me if you like. I will always help you. That's what I do: I help people. I hope you understand what I am saying.

You are beautiful and belong in California with or without me. I will get you as model or perhaps in the movies.
Can you sing or dance?

Please respond,
Richard

And her response:

Ekaterinochka [05:21 28.08.2007]

yes I sing and dance, I dream become holywood stars. Pls call me to my mobile that discuss all details.

Whoops, my cell phone just rang. I missed the call from guess who? She is anxious.

This was always my plan. The lady moves on and I stumble back here or to Russia for another

candidate. At least something positive is happening here.

OH MY GOD, SHE JUST CALLED AGAIN

Maybe This Is The One: Her Letter to Me

Dear Richard,

I am happy to receive your letter, because I dream to meet kind,
loving, reliable man, to create happy family, to be affectionate
and caring wife and the best friend, and build happy family based
on mutual love, respect, support and understanding, to have
children. Let me introduce myself.
My birthday is the 8th of April, 1976, so I am 31 years old.
I am 168 cm and 57 kg. I am a blonde with blue eyes.
Now I'll try to tell you a little bit more about me and my life.
I was born in a nice town Bila Tserkva, and I live in this town.
I am educated from the university - I have early childhood education,
and I work as a teacher.
I have many interests: music, theatre, reading, nature, travels, art.
I like to make up home cosiness and cooking.
About my character I can say that I am kind, honest, tender, cheerful,
with good sense of humor. I like children, home and family life.
For me the most important thing in life is having romantic, honest and
respectful relationship full of harmony. I dream to create happy family,
to give to my future husband my love and respect. I hope you like
my sincere letter, and I await for your letter very much.

Sincerely,

Nataliya

P.S. I have very serious intention to create family and I do not want waste
time for pen friends, therefore I take services of successful marriage agency
AprilBeauty, because I know about good results of their work. They do
my promotion and support of my correspondence, translation of letters,
and provide me legal advices about marriage and civil legislation and
other services.
www.aprilbeauty.net
aprilbeauty@gmail.com

My Date With the Once Lovely Olga: A Bummer

When I was younger it seemed that the greater the anticipation for an upcoming event the lesser I enjoyed it. I would hear about a wonderful movie, but after seeing it I would be somewhat disappointed. As I matured (only chronologically)I tried to enjoy everything and was successful in finding pleasure in some part of any event.

Cut to the present: It was my first date with a Kiev woman. The Ukrainian restaurant where we ate at was worthwhile. It was located floating on the river.
We did have a nice dinner. We ate Ukrainian (I passed on the borscht). The restaurant was quaint with live folk music, authentic and quite nice except for the Ukrainian flies that insisted on participating.

I want to be fair here. At least I had the experience from which I will learn. I must improve my selection process and my technique. (whatever that means).

Okay. She was unrecognizable from her picture. She rarely smiled, perhaps she was disappointed in me who kept checking out her ankles? Or perhaps it was the slight gap between her front teeth?
No, the main problem was that she spoke leettle English and understood less.

We met at the central post office in the center. There were three other guys waiting around with flowers in hand to meet their dates.
I was dressed in a suit, no flowers but plenty of perspiration in the 33 degree heat, centigrade.
She asked me to speak slowly and loud. I acquiesced to 50% of that.
I was operating on the theory that men view women with their eyes and women view with their ears, which I think is true.
In Russia they teach English in the schools and they like to speak American there. Not here.

So I am blabbering away, doing shtick, amusing myself and no one else. Olga is starring off into space, to the left of me.
There was no spark, no nuthin.
She didn't understand the word "why". As in why did you come out with me? She didn't understand the word "fun". As in are you having fun?
She did communicate to me that she had been on many dates, but she was unable to tell me her thoughts, etc.
She showed me pictures of her 16 year old daughter which gave me the strength to go on because I am searching for a happy person with no children.
She seemed to personify the misery of the Volga boat song.

She did finally communicate to me that I talked a great deal...and I did. I had given up all hope of this date being a success and I heard some truly funny and profound words pour out of my restless mouth.

I dropped her at ten pm. By then it was silence all around.
I spent including cab fare and tips. $126 US. It's Mickey Dees for the next one.
I learned a lot. I will only date women who can hear a joke on the telephone and laugh in English.

Perhaps I should head to Russia?

Nevertheless undeterred, I'll press on.

I've received 24 responses to my profile!

More later...

Presenting Olga, My First Date In Kiev

Here is a photo of a 37 year old lady. she reported the following
Marital status: Single

Info: As I think I strong, purposeful, kind, gentle with healthy feeling of risk the person. In me are combined a lot of different can be even inconsistent character traits such as: I quiet, judicious, self-assured, gentle, sensual and simultaneously vigorous I like extreme kinds of sports, a vigorous rhythm of a life, to feel in the good physical form, to be something borrowed, to study in something.
Appearance:
Height: 5'9" (1m 75cm)
Weight: 140lbs (63.5kg)
Body type: Slim
Hair: Dark Brown
Eyes: Gray
Social Status:
Orientation: Straight
How many kids: 1
Want more kids: Yes
Live in: Own apartment
Relocate?: Yes
Religion: Christian
Ethnicity: Caucasian/White
Ocupation: инженер
Languages: English, Russian, Ukrainian
Income: Stable average income
Education: Bachelor's Degree
Smoking: Non-Smoker
Drinking: Never
Drugs: Don't take drugs
Interests: Pets, Movies, Literature, Music, Psychology, Traveling, Work and career, Sports, Theatre
Going out: Beach, Bookstores, Concerts, Live Theater, Movies, Museums, Restaurants, Shopping Malls, Sporting Events
Sport preferences: Jogging, Walks, Fitness, Swimming, Rolling, Diving
Favorite Cuisines: Eastern-European
Hobbies: Camping, Entertaining, Hanging Out with Friends, Intimate Conversations, Reading/Writing, Shopping, Traveling/Weekend Trips/Adventure Travel
Favorite music: Classical, Disco, Jazz, Other
Ideal Partner:
Height: from: 5'8" (1m 73cm) to: 6'8" (2m 3cm)
Weight: from: 132lbs (60.0kg) to: 288lbs (130.5kg)
Country: United Kingdom
Info about a partner: The higher education is desirable. I want to find: Intelligent, kind, gentle, confident, caring, faithful the man.
Sexual Preferences:
Heterosexual experience: Yes, we lived together
Homosexual experience: No
Breast size

My First Two Responders Here In Kiev

I am showing here two ladies that have responded to my dazzling emails.

The blondes is 26, but I may have to reject her because of her name: Ekaterinochka.

Perhaps in a moment of bliss I might mutter an extra syllable.

Life is progressing nicely here.

I have to arrange meetings with these desirous ladies. For the record, I lied about my age in my

profile. If I related my emotional age, I'd be illegal. How do I live with myself?

Well, I always felt that I have justifiable low self esteem.

I always loved Rodney Dangerfield. I quote him: "We were so poor when I was little, that if I weren't a boy I would have nothing to play with."

Ditto

Stay tuned dear Reader as I will relate my next step...

And I will come clean about my age after we see if we are compatible.

And oh yes. my daughters are much younger than these plenums of pulchretude

Day 9 Thurs I Get Rinsed Out At The River Palace

I spent the day on the computer searching for women here in the Ukraine. I'm like a tropical storm about to metastasize into a full blown category five hurricane (sorry, Florida friends).

The evening went not that well. I overpaid the cabby to travel the 5 clicks to the River Palace, a restaurant, disco, casino, and home to hundreds of gorgeous Ukrainian prostitutes. My pal Tom would have been on my case.
The working girls all start at $300, but can be chiseled I'm told.

That was not in my agenda. My plan? To win at Blackjack.

Joe, the manager introduced me to another American, Ron (the names are incomplete to protect the guilty). Ron,a young looking 55, is an executive producer with Paramount in LA. He came here 18 months ago and never left. Every knows him at the R.P. He brought over a Jaguar and a 4 wheel drive vehicle for the winter, which he told me was not that bad.
He has a residence in Beverly Hills. Does he use his business card to attract hopeful actresses like my pal Tom who is presently loving Yaltans.
We played blackjack until he left to go down to the Disco where the action is.

I stayed until 4Am and got wiped out. In lost about $542 USD. That makes my blackjack losses total about $707. Hey, my last trip to Vegas was in the neighborhood of minus 3K. I never made it to the disco.
Joe, the Irish boss wants me to have dinner with him and his wife. He seems like a great guy. He was sad that I lost. He punched into this blog and read some of it.
He may come to his senses and hide when I approach the next time.

In the wee hours, I retired to my flat, homesick, depressed, broke (temporarily) wondering what the fuck am I doing here, why did she dump me so many years ago?

But then I awoke at 11Am to a lovely day. I realized that I needed to hear good old American English so I talked up a storm to myself. I heard things I never knew I knew. Then I took my guitar and played and sang loudly my favorite song of the late great Warren Zevon with a slight paraphrase. He sang about Honduras.
I played and sang:
"I'm stranded in the U' karaine" (5 hard rhythmic strums in E)
"I'm a desperate man" (same 5 strums, hard!)
"Send lawyers, suns and money" (IBID)
"The Shit has hit the fan." (more IBID)

Dearest readers, that did it. It was amazing. Like Don Quixote I'm happily back swinging at them damn windmills. Or as one of my perceptive friends claims, I am unsinkable. I will make something POSITIVE happen.
SOON!
Meanwhile I'll dine at the busiest restaurant in Kiev: McDonalds.