A MONKEY WRENCH IN THE OINTMENT

THIS IS AN EMAIL THAT I SENT TO SOME FRIENDS. I POST IT HERE INTACT, EXPLETIVES INCLUDED.

Dear Guys,

I don't have the time to relate the intensity of my efforts and actions as I plan and arrange my Faustian-like Odyssey to Eastern Europe.

It is to be a memorable trek recorded on line with accompanying pictures for all to witness.

I've prepared and executed lists and lists and lists.

I've covered in my mind and in deed every possible exigency imaginable using the "super focus" ability of the classic ADHD who can't focus for any length of time. (That's right out of a book Doc. Lincoln sent me).

My mind is jumping, neurons flashing like a pin ball machine (sorry Mike). I barely sleep the minimum, hopping out of bed at all hours to jot down an endless flow of ideas.

I agonized over a cold sore that turned out to be a disappearing pimple.

I applied a "vitamin" to my hair in calculated time to look my "natural" best when I arrive in Kiev Wednesday morning.

I purchased, altered, stored, informed, re purchased, trained, scheduled, and arranged to the most minute detail and more.

I'm leaving Monday night on a Delta red-eye to JFK. I lay over until I catch the next Delta red eye for the 10 hour flight to Kiev.

Last night, I reached into my desk drawer where I keep my important papers.

OH SHITFUCK!

I CAN'T FIND MY PASSPORT.

I stayed up all night. I searched everywhere at least three times over. I'm still wracking my brain.

I downloaded the two forms necessary for a lost/stolen passport and to apply for a new/replacement passport. I'll look for more forms to fill out just in case.

The Federal building is in Westwood near UCLA. It opens at 7AM Monday.

I read on line you can pay extra to speed up the process. They don't want anybody to miss travel plans due to their delays.

I'll spend the week end searching. I'll be at the Federal building at 6:30 AM Monday in a suit and tie, on my knees...

I have all the required documents. I went and got new passport photos. I hate them. I look like I'm in pain. I'm grimacing. I thought I was smiling.

I wonder if this will cause any problem: My official certified birth certificate issued from the Dedham, MA court house shows my birth name as Abdo Richard Hassan. My passport says Richard Abdo Hassan.

At my birth so many years ago, mom was shouting, "Help. It hurts. Give me the legal limit!"

I keep searching that fucking drawer. I can't believe it's not there. Where could it be?

I can't leave until I have a new passport. Any delay shortens my 44 day trip. I have a commitment to return to Boston on September 20. I'm performing at my High School's 50th class reunion two days later. I'm going to give them the stand up routine. They expect me there.

I've posted a bunch of comments and pictures on the website Classmates.com. I'm the big hit. Of course, I'm the only one with anything posted. A couple of hundred of my old classmates have visited that site. They need me to entertain them

If a replacement passport takes 7 days. That would shortens the trip a bit.

My life depends on the government.

Oh well, I must like pitfalls.

Love,

I hate myself so much right now, I can't write any version of my name