Oh What A night at the River Palace

If I died at age 67 I'd have missed one of the great evenings of my life. Before this night, I was at best an agnostic sliding towards atheism, but after what I experienced, I think there must be a God because he smiled down on me and even though that probably shows he has some bad taste, I can't thank him enough.

Let me try to recount this night that dazzled me.

My "mate" the urbane Irish Joe is a boss at the famed River Palace. He had invited me to a private special concert to see Eric Bell and his band; a bass player, a drummer, and Eric on guitar and vocals. Eric was the lead guitarist of the band, Thin Lizzie. The show was held in a small, intimate, downstairs room. On one side is a long bar running almost the full length of the room. The rest of the room is filled with tables for dining sprinkled around a ground level stage.
It has a magnificent sound system.

There were about 50 people in the audience, many notables in attendance. Joe introduced me around. I love meeting people. I put into good use what I learned from my bartending days; if you greet people with a smile, they smile back. To borrow from Neil Diamond's Song Sung Blue, "...all of a sudden they're feeling good, they simply got no choice..." I ramp that up a little by trying to mix in a little humor and a friendly hand shake. The smile works as effectively as a yawn. You know how infectious yawns are. Sometimes, the humor falls dead to the ground with a ugly thud. But that has never stopped me.

I met Ciro Orsini, a little, full of life guy dressed in somewhat like hippy clothes. I noticed he had rings on all his fingers including his thumbs...expensive rings. I asked him if he was a musician. He replied no he owned Italian restaurants. He gave me his card. It listed 10 locations all over the world, I mean everywhere, with 10 more soon to open.
I told him I'm was from California. He said he had a restaraunt in Bel Air. I replied, "An Italian restaurant in Bel Air. That's a wonderful area. You know Ciro, I used to be Italian"
That puzzled him until I explained that shit happens.

I met a couple of musicians. The tall one had two of his CD's in hand. Later Joe told me he's the lead singer in his band. His wife is the daughter of Ukraine's prime minister. The smaller one is a guitar player in the band. They are both handsome young men.
I told these two musicians that I play piano. I said, "They call me to play when they want to clear the room." We all laughed at that.

I met Ray the talent coordinator for the Club. He is a tall well dressed English chap, quite pleasant, friendly and focused. He said that Steven Seagal was to show up there and jam with Eric, but he had just arrived from the states and was dead to the world with jet lag, etc.

I didn't know the Steven Seagal was a highly talented guitar player. He has his own band. Eric said he talked Steven into briefly showing up at the River Palace for some photo ops, but he was too beat to play.
I told Ray and Joe that I wanted to meet Steven because 20 years ago, my son in law, Sean was a pupil at his dojo in Hollywood. Sean and my beautiful daughter Ramsey used to visit him and his then wife, Kelly Le Brock at their ranch in Santa Barbara.

I arrived at the nightclub at 10 pm and ordered dinner. The anticipation was high for Steven Seagal. At 11 Joe tells me that Steven Seagal arrived. He was sitting, wedged in a corner near the exit with a beautiful Asian lady at his right.
I watched with Joe as about 10 people were ushered through the narrow aisle to sit next to Steven for photos. Steven sat with his arms folded, never speaking to the person posing with him. He looked unhappy. He was scowling at the camera. Joe was with me for a while but decided it was too much of a hassle to even get near the guy, too crowded, too many (I quote a Mick Jagger song,) "Star Fuckers." Joe left.

Not me, I am resolute, besides I felt sorry for the guy. It was like his head was elsewhere, and the lady on his right looked bored and unhappy.
All of a sudden it was over. No more photos! There were three or four people shooting pictures, but the main photographer was leaving. Steven had enough. He got up to leave, his lady dutifully following behind him. He was wedging his way out the narrow aisle, the trail that everyone walked to get to him.

Well, dear reader, guess who was blocking that aisle? That's right. Yours truly. I had been pushed back, back, but now there was an opening. I sliced in like OJ going through a hole during his football days. I stopped Steven halfway through his exit. This is a big guy or was he standing on a ledge that I couldn't see?
Hey, I'm big guy, 6' 2" ok, maybe I shrunk a bit, but he towered over me. He must be at least 6' 5" and wide. I was shocked at his size. Jeez, what was I in for? A boot to the head???
I don't think Ray, the affable talent coordinator, was happy with my intervention. Steven seemed to be glaring at someone... me?

Now, I know that only a few of you have read all my entries to this blog. Please understand that I'm really writing a non fiction book of my life. When I get to some ugly parts about me and the women in my life, I'll probably call it " My Confessions" Suffice to say that today I'm a humanitarian who loves people and wants to be loved...probably because a love of my life hates me.

"Steven" I say, looking up at him. "Remember in 1990 you had the dojo on La Cienaga? My son in law, Sean Dawson was one of you students"
Well after a split second, his face lit up. He said, "Sure I remember Sean...and Ramsey. How are they?" Where do they live now?"
We conversed about Sean and Ramsey for a bit. He remembered that Sean was a black belt. He introduced me to the beautiful Asian lady explaining to her about his dojo back then, etc. I gave her the big smile and shook her hand. Of course she smiled back. We were all happy.
Meanwhile, Ray went and found the main photographer and to my glee, we had some pictures taken. I can't wait to see them. I was told they will be in a magazine somewhere. I'll post the photos when I receive them. I'm anxious to see if Steven is still glaring at the camera. After all, he is an action adventure star.

When I said to Steven, "Ramsey and Sean love you , Steven".
He said he also loved them. Then he said wistfully, "I wish I married Ramsey!!"
I said, "I wish you married Ramsey. Then I'd be your father-in-law!"(Dear Sean,I never meant that. I love you. You are a wonderful husband to Ramsey. A super dad to the boys. It was a bad joke. Bite my freaking tongue) Our pleasant meeting was ending. I enthusiastically shook his massive hand. And as Steven and his lady passed by me he said in his movie voice, "Tell them to keep in touch."

Dear reader, Steven left a lot happier than he was before I jumped into the fray. I felt good about the whole thing, like Mother Teresa probably felt...before she died.

But that was only one part of this fabulous evening, a warm up to the incredible talent that I witnessed from no more than ten feet away. I talking about Eric Bell. This guy is fantastic, amazing, not to be believed. He came on at midnight and played non stop for 90 minutes. He sings in a high voice, his tonal inflection perfectly suited for the blues songs he performed. But it's his guitar playing that continued to blow me away. With every song he offered something different. He could make that instrument sound like train whistles, or human cries, weeping and suffering. But he didn't just play the blues. He could pound out Rock and Roll like you wouldn't believe. On some songs he used a slide on his fourth finger and still managed incredible riffs with his other fingers.

The guy is sixty years old and he repeatidly electrified the audience. What a talent! God blessed him with those fingers. I've been to many concerts. I can't imagine anyone playing any better. He played all different styles. Each song was the best of the set. How can that be? I swear to that same God that made him, he is the right handed, white, Jimi Hendrix...still with us.
His bass player and drummer blended beautifully with him.

What a night to remember. I have goose bumps writing this. Was he greatly inspired to perform this way? Is this his normal talent, just another concert?
Anyway, I have to go and burn my guitar.

After the concert, Joe introduced me to Eric. I was raving to him. When he asked me how I liked the concert. I replied with great enthusiasm, "How did I like it? For Christ sake, I peaked 23 times!" He said, "You should have peaked 24 times!" He is a better musician than a comedian, although I almost fell over with laughter." What a talent!

Now it was about 2 am so I headed upstairs to the casino for a little blackjack. And to top off the evening, I won $365.00. And now I'll sit here and relive it all over again and again and again (repeat and fade)

A New Lady to Consider, She's Olechka from Latvia, 49 y.o.

Latvia, I could be big in Latvia. At 49, I'm still almost two decades her senior. As a matter of fact I have a birthday coming up and I wrote this email some friends. It shows how full of shit I am. I could have said it in four words: I'm having another birthday. instead I wrote the following:

Dear Boys,
Suddenly, I peer into real life and I notice that in a mere two weeks I will have completed my penultimate year as a sexagenarian and I'll be commencing, here on Planet Earth, the salaciously suggestive numbered 69th year...69... a double entendre integer if ever there were one.

The thought has occurred to me that I should stop traveling around the world chasing young women, etc. That I'm too old to be living this untamed, disorderly life. . Perhaps it's time I enter adulthood with it's requisite appropriate stability and routine.
But unfortunately it was only a fleeting thought. It seems that those cryptic forces that direct me in my life adventures are stubbornly resistant to that common sensical idea.

Oh well. As the Red Sox fans used to say and the Cubbies' fans still say, "Maybe next year."

Love Richie


All these ladies that contact me are simply confusing me. My dearest, oldest friends advise me to return to LA and find a fortyish divorcee, preferable one who is wealthy and plays golf.
These are suggestions to be considered.
I am currently between fortunes and my constant golf cry on the golf course is >"Where is the nearest bowling alley?"strong>

Of course when I last played, it was with two dentists, is it a surprise that they kept shouting after each iron shot, "Bite! Bite!"

Okay, enough bad, but true jokes. I am trying to enlist the services of a professional video taping company in Massachusetts to tape my "gig" for my High School's 5oth class reunion. I want to be able to post it on this blog to further punish you, my dear reader.

Well I'm off to the River Palace for the special concert tonight. I'll probably play some blackjack at the casino there and if I win $300 maybe I can buy a wife. They are goooood lookin.

Love to all and as Roy Rogers used to close with, "May the good lord take a likin to ya." I always loved Roy Rogers as a matter of fact I always thought that my ex girlfriend that I am almost over (18 years now), looked a lot like Roy...in his youth. Don't get me wrong, I'm a flaming hetero, but women have been my downfall.
After about 3 and a half years all my girl friends always say to me, "All you ever want from me is sex!!!"Puzzled by this, I respond with , "No. Not just you!!!"

More from Nasty. She still wants to write. She speaks no English!. Should I Send Her My Jokes? The photo is of Ninel.

The bolds are mine to ponder along with her three, no four previous letters to me. Speaking no English she probably doesn't know what she writes. It's no wonder that she does not respond to my often repeated question, Will you come here to Kiev or should I go to your city?"

Here's a question for her, "Are you a virgin, my dear?"
Wait a minute. What did Elvis say? "Don't Be Cruel to a Heart thats True>" Did that rhyme, Mr. Black?
Below is her today's letter, it has very little to do with my letter to her, in fact with any of my letters to her:

Good day Richie.
I am so glad to receive your apply to my letter. If you are ready to
build a real relationships I'll tell about myself.

I have never been married and do not have children. I was born on 18th
of February in 1979. My weight is 57 kilos, height is 167 cm. I used
to change my appearance especially the color of my hair but now I am
brown-haired woman with hazel eyes. Prefer to wear clothes which suit
me. Roses are my favourite flowers and the color is green.

My native town is Pheodosia. Everybody says: "Welcome to Pheodosia,
make yourself at home". My town is situated in the Crimea. I like my
town. It is claimed that anyone who has ever been to Pheodosia wants
to return there again and again. You will be affected by the ruins of
Genoese fortress as well as by the beautiful churches, to say nothing
of its gentle sea. I want to tell you about my family. I live with my
mother and have two brothers. Victor is 29 and Sergey is 26. I love
them very much. My elder brother is married and lives apart from us.
My father was military man. He was killed on the military exercises
when I was 13. (She wrote before that her father is a teacher at the uiniversity)It was difficult to realize it but life must go on. My
uncle is serviceman too. He always supports us in difficult times.

I am very communicative. My character is gentle, loyal and kind. My
profession influenced on it. I am a nurse and to be a nurse is very
responsible work. I work at the hospital in reanimation ward. Medics
are always happy when patients are recovered. I carry out the
appointments of our doctors.

Speaking about my spare time I want to say that usually my job takes
much time but when there is some free time I try to use it in
different ways. Reading( my favourite writers are H.G. Wells and E.
Hemingway), cooking( my best dishes are cakes, buns, Ukrainian
borsch), knitting, drawing are my favourite occupations. Besides I go
in for sports. I prefer to play tennis and sometimes go to
swimming-pool. In summer I spend a great time with my friends at the
seaside. We play volleyball in the open air, swim in the warm sea,
listen to music ( I prefer different music from classic to pop).

By the way I am very romantic person who likes adventures and meetings
with different interesting people. Unfortunately I have never been
abroad and I do not speak English but if I find a man of my dream I
will go with him anywhere and will learn his language. It does not
matter that maybe you are not a superman or showman. As for me I value
honor relations which are based on love, understanding, care, sincere,
considerate. I will be able to do everything for my beloved and never
betray him. He will be happy with me and never be disappointed in my
love.

My friends are surprised with my dreams but I believe that somewhere
my second half is waiting for me.

I hope you have the same dream . If you want we may continue our
communication. I would like to get to know more about you, your life,
your family, habits, dreams. I will be waiting for your letter soon.
Tanya.

I'm On Stage For 20 Minutes At My 50th H.S. Class Reunion 9/22. Here Are Some Jokes I'm Considering, Most Original and Some Modified-Purloined.

1. You all might recall we lived in a big house down on Main Street which is now a parking lot for the hospital. Well we weren't always that well off. As a matter of fact when I was little we were so not well off that if I weren't a boy, I would have had nothing to play with!!!

2. You all know what a Freudian slip is, right? You know, like when a man meets a well endowed lady with serious cleavage for a business luncheon.
He says to her, "Hi there. You look great. Let's go have some breast, er lunch." A harmless (Freudian) slip of the tongue, right?

Well, I was having Thanksgiving dinner with my wife and five children and I meant to say, "Honey, please pass the gravy." Instead I said..."You miserable bitch, you ruined my life!!!"
Whoops. Not so harmless.


3. I love America. I'll always be a patriot for this country. I tried to enlist after 9 /11 as a spy. I told em I was Lebanese, I knew Arabic. They said what do you know?
I searched my brain and said, "I know La 'moutic intah. I know it means I''ll kill you. My mother said it all the time... when she threw her shoe at me..."
They said, "Get the fuck out of here"!!!.

4. I tried many times to quit smoking. It causes the condition that starts with a "P'? Uh what's it called? Um, uh??? Oh I know, PREMATURE DEATH"..

I tried so many different ways to quit. I even tried the patch. Anyone here used the patch? It worked? Really,that's great.
Well it didn't work for me. I think I must have rolled it too tight... I couldn't keep the dam thing lit!!! (with a big pot smoking gesture)

5. You know back in high school my name was Dick , but now it's Richard.
When I got my first job in Los Angeles. It was at Playboy and I was still known as Dick then and the president's name was also Dick. So we had two Dicks working at Playboy. They called him the head Dick and they called me the Dickhead...so I became Richard.

6.I have many more to consider, but I'm here in Kiev at an hot internet cafe and the guy next to me has big time European BO. It's choking me. More Later

I Write Nasty, "Come Meet Me." She Seems To Want A Pen Pal. Her Letter Below:

She continues to send me her photos. I like her looks. I wrote her a long email today. In it I asked her to meet me. She quickly wrote back. her text below:

Hi, dear!
It so wonderful that at least i take a letter from you, my Darling!
so,Do you want to know how my usual day is passing?i think that it will be rather interesting for you.

my usual day begins in the morning,at 7 or 8 o'clock,because i have to
go to my work! I didn't go to the university every day,because I study in a corespondent department,so i go there twice a year in January and in May to pass my
exams. but i should study at home,i study a lot of different subjects
such as maths,chemistry, biology, and languages.

after university, sometimes I go in for step aerobics,to keep my body in form.

So, if I have some free time, I go for a walk with my friends. we usually do to different cafes, to drink a cup of coffee and to eat some cake.

But for me, the best way for passing free time, is to go for the
picnic, to the forest. I love nature a lot. it's amassing when you
just go through the forest, and look at the special "private life"of it. OH!it's wonderful!!!

Also i like traveling but,you know,i have never been abroad. i
traveled with my parents only through our country. but I'd like to see
the world. especially Paris,Eagipt and Rome. but the best thing for me
is the sea,i can't tell anything about the ocean because I have never
saw it,but every time that i even think about it makes my the happiest
person in the world!every summer my family and me went to the Black
sea,and since my early childhood I'd like to go there with my
boo...

you know my favorite season is summer, because we have moderate climate, it means hot summer, and cold winter. you see,I hate winter, and cold weather. yes,sometimes it could be beautiful,when a lot of snow surrounded you,the sun is shining,and everything looks like in a fairy tale. but such weather could only some days a month,all another time the weather in winter is afull. that's why I'd like to go abroad,to the country with another climate.

i have read a lot about culture of different countries,and I realized that my country is not the ideal place for living in. I'd like to go to live to the another one, but the only thing that holds me is my family,I'll miss them a lot...but if I'll meet a person, who I can make my own family with, then I could go abroad with him. What is your opinion about my decision to go to another country?

Do you like traveling?where have you been?possibly, you have some interesting photos from your traveling,could you send them to me?it would be rather interesting to see them.

I'll be waiting for the next letter from you!kisses!!!


Nastya

It appears that Nasty wants a pen pal, but I am here in Kiev fo only 9 more days.
I'll answer this letter with a pleading to meet...anywhere.

At least she writes me without delay.

Time For Some Introspection and Redirection While I Still Look Good From A Distance

I have been reminded by a dear American friend via email that my days here are dwindling down to a precious few. What have I accomplished?

On the marriage front, I have 5 live women who have written me and with whom I am actively communicating. I am trying to get any and all of them to come here to Kiev as our next step. The comely Tanya is the most responsive, but she seems to want to keep emailing me rather than meeting with me. I sent a highly suggestive email to the sexy lady who termed her breast size as "big." She wrote that she loved, among other sexually nefarious things, blow jobs. My kind of lady. I have to close one of these deals.
There are only five left because if a lady in our email exchanges asks me what my age is, I simply drop her from my list of possibles.

I have the ad I placed in 8 papers , some in English for an actress/model to come with me to California. But that breaks on September13 and I leave a week later. It seems that I'll be on the internet after I return home fielding these responses. I am not averse to returning here much more organized at some later date.
As it is I'm spending 4 to 5 hours in these internet cafes daily. Sometimes, a smelly person gets upwind of me to test my European mettle.

On another front, I've been 5 weeks without smoking my legal (in California) medical cannabis.
On February 1, 2006, I quit smoking cigarettes. My method was to roll up big fat doobies and pretend they were Malboroughs sans the filter. I figured that if I could abstain from the odious cigarettes for six months, I would be over the addiction. Incidentally here, 90% of the populace smokes. Yesterday I was having lunch on the main drag. I was the only one in the small non smoking section while the rest of the place had over 25 diners in only one room of the multilevel restaurant. Cigarettes sell for 80 cents a pack here.

There are hundred of walk in (read stagger in) clinics in LA county. With my prescription in hand and I was a regular patient in addition to purchasing pot on the street. I was always a heavy user, smoking an ounce of the medicine every 6 or 7 days.

Guess what, after 5 weeks, I'm still the same "out there space shot". I did learn that bit is no problem to stop smoking marijuana. Also I learned that unlike cigarettes, thankfully pot does not cause lung cancer according to the a study by the New England Medical Journal people.
The differences I note are 1. I am having dreams that I remember (only one about the stash in my desk back in Santa Monica) 2. a lack of a sex drive. 3. I'm skinny, but muscular. 4. I'm overly creative. 5. I get smashed on one vodka and tonic. 6. I sleep much less. &. My injured knee is killing me. At home I would smoke so much pot that I could barely stand...and then go for a 6 mile run, limping a lot for a while.
On another front are the people I have meet here: the beloved sex tourists that I shall always have as friends. The Irishman and his wife that I love dearly. Even Jamie, the ex patriot I have strong feelings and admiration for.

I love reading about the political climate here. It is a new country locating its oats.

Holy Smokes! It Appears That Nasty and I Are Almost an Item.

Nastya is the blonde lady whose first letter to me is three posts down with this same leaning over photo that's above. Is showing off her teeths or is she hiding her ankles?

Apparently she has never received my response. Frankly I'm getting confused, with my cloudy thinking and the weather, (it's raining today) I don't know if I ever wrote her. I've made the mistake of addressing some emails; Dear Beautiful, or Dear Flower.
I can barely tell the ladies apart anyway. My communication skills are a fruit salad.
Never the less I'm falling in love with her, post haste. I'll respond to her letter with such prose that all my female readers will tumble for me. And when I read my letter to her, I'll fall deeper in love with Nastya..
She sent me the creative, alluring, photo on the left with the letter I've posted below. In this super imposed shot, she seems to be is showing me her eight fingers? Maybe she has no thumbs? Will this affect our lovemaking?

Is her romantic email standard fare for the experienced, emailing bride never-to-be (there's no mention of my name in it), or is she smitten? I'll go with smitten.
My issue: Can you reverse two vasectomies?

Pray for me dear reader for I am putty inexorably melting into mush.
Help me Rhonda!
More soon...

Her Email to me:

hello my star
how are you?
i hope everything is OK with you!
i'd like to say, that when I come back from the wedding of my aunt, i
have problems with my mail box.
I don't know why but the first day, I have difficulties with getting
letters, and then the next day, my friend Katya, who lives in USA(she
lives in my town for all her life, and we were best friends, but some
months ago she went to USA to work)phoned me, and told me, that she
can't send me E mail...she got mail delivery!so I didn't get a letter
from you! and the man from the
Internet cafe told my that my mail box was blocked cause of the spam,
so now I have new mail address:
so baby, please write me here!
I'll wait for your letters!
buy for now!
kiss you
Nastya

Back On The Marriage Track, Too Many Good Lookin's

This picture is of Irina, a 21 year old art teacher who should join me in Hollywood as the camera seems to love her. I wrote her only today and I am awaiting her reply.

Below are the last communique's between me and Ekaterinachoka. In the midst of this we had a lengthy, unpleasant phone call.

I was at lunch with my friend the expat, Jamie, a man wordly wise to the dishonest ladies of the area when I called her to confront her with her distortions of the truth. I told her ir was good news that the 15$ express first class trains were available and not booked for three weeks as she had told previously, so I could save the $400 and spend it on her. She refused to take the train.. Ekaterinochka was quite argumentative, sounding like a fish wife, reminding me why I had gotten divorced so many years ago. Each call to her changed

Ekaterinochka [07:17 04.09.2007]I play on piano Bah, Bethoven, Shubert. I love classic music very much and I have my personal piano at home. I finish conservatory. Next month I go by my contract to Moscow to play in MHAT and the Bolshoi Theatre. This Saturday I can fly to Kiev special for you. So if you are really serious so you will meet me in airport Borispol this Saturday . You can call me and talk directly to me or you can write here and my personal marriage agent will write you back as I do not have computer.If you will not call than you will miss a brilliant with name Ekaterinochka


Richard Hassan [08:35 05.09.2007]Dear Ekaterinochka,I'm sorry but I have another actress/model/singer so I'm writing to tell you goodbye, before we ever meet.Good luck in life.Richard

And finally from her:
good luck and may be meet with you one da

I have received 12 responses to my quest for a wife. They are all requesting more information. I am requesting that they grab a trian and come here to meet and discuss. Someone who is gorgeous as all their photos are will show up and who knows?

Meeting These Two Wonderful People Has Made My Trip Worthwhile

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Introducing Irish Joe and his lovely wife of 15 years, Rachel . I could have not met nicer, caring people anywhere. These photos were taken at the peaceful, rustic zoo. I know I'm in Kiev to find a wife so I can drive in the carpool lane on the jammed LA freeways. but didn't Aristotle say, Man is a social animal? I could not meet any sweeter people. I have a tendency to consider people along with their agendas. An ex girl friend that I was head over heels for had the agenda to get me out of her life. She drove me to Logan airport in 1990 and said while I was crying like baby, Get out of the car, you asshole! The troopers are coming."

No she wasn't that direct. It was worse, she said, "Good bye. Have a nice life". Did she mean I have to go meet the butcher I'm dating. At the time I hurt more than anything I had ever experienced. But her parting comment was provident because I understand that my life is defined by the friends I love and those who love me. God must exist because I have many of them, way beyond the limit. These people have no other agenda than reciprocated love between us. Maybe it's because I'm getting older, a mush ball equating love and friendship. Whatever, I'm blessed to have many friend and these two are on that list for the rest of my 30 or 40 years of life remaining. (I'm counting on medical science advancements.) I can think of many of you ,dear readers that I would take a bullet for. (I suppose that gets easier as I age.) For example, I'm here for six weeks because of three dear friends.
Okay enough of that.

Before I head back into the morass of beautiful women that will offer me (block your eyes mom) more ass, I have one more comment off the subject:.
Along with the rest of the world, I mourn the loss of Luciano Pavarotti, a tremendous talent who spread love to anyone with ears and a heart.
One more by Lee Geenwood:

"And I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land, God bless the U.S.A."


John Lennon had it right, "All you need is Love."

I wrote Ekaterinochka a "Dear Ekaterinochka" Letter. Here Are Two Letters To Me and An Impressive Part Of A Profile

This letter is from the lady on the left.

Very welcome my new friend !!!!
I am glad to see your letter in my mail box!
I would like to see your mails in my box very often. It is really
pleasure when someone interesting in you and can make your days more
interesting and bright!
To me it will be very pleasant, if
you will send me photos in each your letter,it very much will facilitate our acquaintance.
I do not know what to write to you in my first letter because I never wrote letters and did not
get acquainted on the Internet before. But I think, will be correct if I shall start to speak
about me from the very beginning because I was the first who has written the first letter.
I live in Ukraine, I was born and live in not big town Lutugino. Do you
hear about this town? It is not a big city where live good and sympathetic persons.
In our town everybody knows each other very well. Tell me about your country! Your city!I wish to tell to you, that
I the optimist at heart and it - often help me with my life.
Anyway, I hope, that you just as I, we have interest in our dialogue, and
I shall wait your answer.
I am a hairdresser. I like my job very
much. I studied at college. I behave to my job as a creation try to find to every client an
approach and special way to every person. I make different hair-cutting and appearances.
As to my character I am a romantic and sensitive girl with thin verges
of the soul. I listen romantic and tender music, and rest poems...
"We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly
embracing each other....."
What kind of music do you like? Do you like romantic?
I love life!!!!!!!!!!!!And I want to be happy with my future
husband!!! I am looking for serious relationship and honest man. I
want to me my knight and make him happy. What do you wait from
relationships? And what do you want from your future wife? And
married life? Do you want children and if you have children tell me
about them, it is very interesting for me, be honest with me please,
do not hurt me, I hope you are serious man or if you want be just
friends, tell me I must know!!!
Dear maybe I asked many questions I want know about your life and your
interesting, is it ok?
You ask me too what do you want and I will try to answer to
you with big desire!!
So, I am waiting for your answer and I hope we will be together and
happy!!!!!!!!!!
Valya.

This below letter is from the lady on the right.

hello Richie,I'm rather glad that we met.
I think you is rather interesting person,and you know we have a lot of similar qualities.
so some info about me,I live in western Ukraine. my town is rater big,and it's wonderful. It always reminds me a big park with a lots of flowers. It's very old,so there are a lot of places of interest.
And, now I'm going to tell you a little about me. I'm rather young,so i have never been married I have no children.
but now I decide to find a man, who I can share my love with. I'm very honest and kind person. as for another people,I hate lies. I like such feeling,when you can trust person who do you love...now I live along, in a rent flat.my family lieves in another sity, but we all love each other,and always help.
so,I'm a student of the pedagogical university,I learn Japanies there.
also my hobby till the childhood was English. I've been learning it
for 10 years. now I speak and write rather fluently. I'd like to know
more languages,because it'll help me to communicate with people of
different nationalities. also I'd like to read English and American literature,such as Bible,Paulo Coelho-"11 minutes", Richard Bach- "Seagulls" and many others.
but also I'm working as a secretary, in a little company...
what about my appearance, I'm rather tall girl(nearly 168 sm)with long white hair. my body is slim and beautiful. you know,I'm a sportswomen.
I've been playing tennis for 7 years. what about you,do you like sport?
but,in the same time I'm very romantic girl who likes poems and classical music. I can say that reading is my hobby. sometimes it's the best way to relax after the hard day. also I like to spend evenings in front of the fireplace,hope that in some period of time I won't do it alone...
I'm very romantic and sensitive person. I appreciate such qualities as
honesty. I hate lies, and everything what is connected with it.
I like dreaming... sometimes, during the lonely evenings I imagine my
feature life,family,and a wonderful man near me. I've always been
dreaming about leaving abroad. I like foreign culture, and foreign
men. our men all are rude and impolite, and they are not interested in inside world
of a girl... but I need a man who will appreciate not only my
appearance. I'm very communicative person,a good listener, and I'd like
to have a husband who'll be not only my lover, but and my friend, who
will support me in every life situation... I think your are one of
them!
please write me about yourself, and your hobbies.
If you have questions, I'll answer them all!
I'll wait for your answer!
sincerely yours Nastya
I'm waiting for your letter
Sexual Preferences:

And this is an excerpt from the the lady on the top's profile, 28 year old Tatyana. YIKES!!!
Heterosexual experience: Yes, we lived together
Homosexual experience: No
How often do you want to have sex?: A few times a week
Breast size: Big
What excites: Lingerie, Clothes
Sex preferences: Kisses, Massage, Blow-job, Cunnilingus, Vaginal sex, Anal sex, passive, Photo and video, Watching a porno together, Sex-toys

I am awash in troubling thoughts. I need to update you, my dear reader on my status here after 4 weeks. Suffice to say that I went to the peaceful, beautifully tree lined, bucolic, pastoral zoo yesterday with Irish Joe and his wonderful wife for some peace and quiet. In spite of all these beautiful women assailing me, Joe and Rachel are the best part of this trip, the most enjoyable, memorable trip I've ever made.

I truly need more time to sort out these ladies. Before The zoo trip with the help of expat Jamie, I placed an an ad in some newspapers that will run in 8 cities. The one here, I think is in English and Russian.

The ad read: "I am a visiting writer/comedian/actor looking for actresses/models to join me in LA with a 90 day fiance visa. I will assist with auditions/acting classes. After two years you will have a permanent visa. email me at (my email address)

Jamie, who I have grown to like a lot suggested I term myself an executive producer" but I decided not to. I am swamped with requests from women, I think from my earlier profile.

Jamie a worldly wise ex pat from Iowa tells me that the majority of ladies are simply out for money and not marriage. If this is true I will get MORE MONEY!!!

For the first time here, I consumed many vodkas and tonics last night.

One last bit of info; I am seriously considering going to where the beyond belief gorgeous "working girls" work to convince one to give up that life and marry me. This would be one who speaks good English, passes a physical and of course, takes a shower and .

(Did I just write that?)

Too much writing on this post. More later.

The Water Is Pouring Over The Gunwales, But I'm Still Afloat.

Just when all was darkest, when my spirits were only the strong vodka they serve here. (One drink and I am looped,) I receive an email from these two lovely ladies, one a Ukrainian and one a Russian. Now I discover that unknowingly, I had joined three, no four, wait a minute, five different websites. Not just thesde two desirables, in fact I am flooded with requests for email responses. There's no room for all the pictures. I am in great demand. Maybe I should have an auction for the lucky girl.
What to do? I need a secretary. I have to methodically sort them out and do what???
I sit here in this hot, crowded internet cafe pounding on this computer. I'm a hunt and pecker. (Whoops, did my mother see that? It takes me forever to type and then I see a lot of k's as in "woulkd."

The last two nites I left here after 1 am limping badly on an injured knee. I was stopped each nite by the police. They can extort money from tourists who don't have their papers or from drunks. It's accepted becasue they have a low salary.
They thought I'm was drunk as I staggered up the hill to my terrific apartment. I had been harboring resentment (a jihad?) from the time that my new pal, Barry and I had been accosted walking home from a nightclub/casino/brothel at 4am. They have one cop stop you while the others hang back ready to come in hard if necessary. After determining this cop spoke minimal English, I screamed and cursed at him and only escaped because he asked me meekly, "Tourist or business?"
I cagily replied, "Business, for Christ sake I live right there!"
He let me go with an apologetic smile.

Last nite I was stopped by two policemen. They spoke English. We became friends. In fact Sasha told me that tomorrow was Yuri's birthday, Yuri the birthday boy was embaressed. I told them I love the police, you know, Sting and the boys (I do love the LAPD. ) I told them I support the police (the LAPD). Then I stretched it a bit when I said, " As a matter of fact, I was a policeman in New York City." That is not so far from the truth as I was arrested by the police in that great city. That really impressed them. They said we are brothers. It was warm and moving. So we shook hands and embraced and now I'm in with the law.

An aside to Dr Warren, I need to get this knee fixed. I'm entered in the LA marathon in March 2008. I am running, bad knee or not.
An aside to you, Dear reader, I intend to die in the gutter while running facing the traffic. I'm amazed a how many people in Santa Monica run with their backs to the traffic. I scream at them trying to save their life, to the chagrin of my sensitive brother, Mike.

Below is what I have posted on one of the web sites. It's my new approach with more truth in it. Let's see what responses I get from this Hollywood stuff:

Info: I am an actor/musician/comedian in LA. I am in Kiev looking for a beautiful,young actress/model to join me in LA. I will acquire a 90 day fiance visa for you. During this time,I will help you in acting classes. I will arrange auditions. If after 90 days we marry for two years,you may stay in the US, travel to any country and return even if we divorce. This an unusual opportunity for an aspiring, actress. Let's meet to discuss.

Once again, I'm happy. Life is great. I can't wait to see what I do next.



Can you?

Is This What I'll End Up With?

The lady's name on the piano is Yelena. She speaks only French and Russian. Hey, I got an A in the advanced French B2 at college. She is 5 ft 1 inch and weighs a corpulent 154lbs. She hails from Cameroon (wherever that is). Sadly, she desires a man age 46 to 56. I am 68 on September 26. And I am not that desperate...yet. She and Ekateri heretofore called Katya are currently the only ladies hot after me and I am becoming increasingly suspicious not of the piano player.
Even though I told Katya that I would call her Monday or Tuesday to arrange her trip here, she has already tried to call me 5 or 6 times. Can she love me that much? She always rings me when I am on line on the website where she first posted her profile. I'm told she can determine this from her computer. But she has repeatedly told me that she has no access to a computer???

This is but one of many inconsistencies that the sexxxy, 26 year old beauty has offered that befuddles me. Here are some others:
1. She listed on her profile that she lives in Kiev, but she tells me she lives $400 worth of miles away.
2. She tells me that she can not take the express train here (about $35) because they are booked up for the next three weeks. That doesn't seem to be the case.
3. When I ask her for her full name and city so I can Western Union her the $400, she tells me I can save money if I go to a private bank here (there are many here, whatever they are) and simply hand my phone to the clerk and she will instruct the clerk accordingly. I just have to cough up the dough.
4. She speaks and understands English well, except when I ask her for details of her life. For example:
She had told me she spent 8 months in California. When I asked her how that happened. She lost all her knowledge of English, except, "I do not understand."
5. She tells me that she has limited or no access to a phone, yet she continues to call me when I'm on line.
6. Apparently the Ukrainian internet is rife with scammers. I read one story about a lady who showed a picture of Courtney Love as her photo. When a marriage broker gives out a lady's email address which allows direct contact between the parties they issue a strong warning to never send any money to the ladies and to report those femmes who request money.

I am getting shot down like the Luftwaffe at the end of WW2. I am not going down in a blaze of glory, no I'm getting blasted pre flight before I'm airborne.
The piano player is looking better? No. I have to have Katya come clean and ride the train to Kiev where she said she lives.
I was considering lining up some other women and going to Dnepropetrovsk but there are strong rumors that that are is a hot bed of the Ukrainian Mafia.
Could Katya be a scammer whose only pursuit of happiness is to part me from my not that hard earned money? When I told Jamie the Iowan expat who runs a marriage brokerage that I felt that it was better than 50/50 that she was a fraud, He said it was 98% that she is a professional scammer who preys on gullible men like me.

Oh well. We shall see what we shall see. She is, or her photo is quite alluring...