Just when all was darkest, when my spirits were only the strong vodka they serve here. (One drink and I am looped,) I receive an email from these two lovely ladies, one a Ukrainian and one a Russian. Now I discover that unknowingly, I had joined three, no four, wait a minute, five different websites. Not just thesde two desirables, in fact I am flooded with requests for email responses. There's no room for all the pictures. I am in great demand. Maybe I should have an auction for the lucky girl.
What to do? I need a secretary. I have to methodically sort them out and do what???
I sit here in this hot, crowded internet cafe pounding on this computer. I'm a hunt and pecker. (Whoops, did my mother see that? It takes me forever to type and then I see a lot of k's as in "woulkd."
The last two nites I left here after 1 am limping badly on an injured knee. I was stopped each nite by the police. They can extort money from tourists who don't have their papers or from drunks. It's accepted becasue they have a low salary.
They thought I'm was drunk as I staggered up the hill to my terrific apartment. I had been harboring resentment (a jihad?) from the time that my new pal, Barry and I had been accosted walking home from a nightclub/casino/brothel at 4am. They have one cop stop you while the others hang back ready to come in hard if necessary. After determining this cop spoke minimal English, I screamed and cursed at him and only escaped because he asked me meekly, "Tourist or business?"
I cagily replied, "Business, for Christ sake I live right there!"
He let me go with an apologetic smile.
Last nite I was stopped by two policemen. They spoke English. We became friends. In fact Sasha told me that tomorrow was Yuri's birthday, Yuri the birthday boy was embaressed. I told them I love the police, you know, Sting and the boys (I do love the LAPD. ) I told them I support the police (the LAPD). Then I stretched it a bit when I said, " As a matter of fact, I was a policeman in New York City." That is not so far from the truth as I was arrested by the police in that great city. That really impressed them. They said we are brothers. It was warm and moving. So we shook hands and embraced and now I'm in with the law.
An aside to Dr Warren, I need to get this knee fixed. I'm entered in the LA marathon in March 2008. I am running, bad knee or not.
An aside to you, Dear reader, I intend to die in the gutter while running facing the traffic. I'm amazed a how many people in Santa Monica run with their backs to the traffic. I scream at them trying to save their life, to the chagrin of my sensitive brother, Mike.
Below is what I have posted on one of the web sites. It's my new approach with more truth in it. Let's see what responses I get from this Hollywood stuff:
Info: I am an actor/musician/comedian in LA. I am in Kiev looking for a beautiful,young actress/model to join me in LA. I will acquire a 90 day fiance visa for you. During this time,I will help you in acting classes. I will arrange auditions. If after 90 days we marry for two years,you may stay in the US, travel to any country and return even if we divorce. This an unusual opportunity for an aspiring, actress. Let's meet to discuss.
Once again, I'm happy. Life is great. I can't wait to see what I do next.
Can you?
No comments:
Post a Comment