1. You all might recall we lived in a big house down on Main Street which is now a parking lot for the hospital. Well we weren't always that well off. As a matter of fact when I was little we were so not well off that if I weren't a boy, I would have had nothing to play with!!!
2. You all know what a Freudian slip is, right? You know, like when a man meets a well endowed lady with serious cleavage for a business luncheon.
He says to her, "Hi there. You look great. Let's go have some breast, er lunch." A harmless (Freudian) slip of the tongue, right?
Well, I was having Thanksgiving dinner with my wife and five children and I meant to say, "Honey, please pass the gravy." Instead I said..."You miserable bitch, you ruined my life!!!"
Whoops. Not so harmless.
3. I love America. I'll always be a patriot for this country. I tried to enlist after 9 /11 as a spy. I told em I was Lebanese, I knew Arabic. They said what do you know?
I searched my brain and said, "I know La 'moutic intah. I know it means I''ll kill you. My mother said it all the time... when she threw her shoe at me..."
They said, "Get the fuck out of here"!!!.
4. I tried many times to quit smoking. It causes the condition that starts with a "P'? Uh what's it called? Um, uh??? Oh I know, PREMATURE DEATH"..
I tried so many different ways to quit. I even tried the patch. Anyone here used the patch? It worked? Really,that's great.
Well it didn't work for me. I think I must have rolled it too tight... I couldn't keep the dam thing lit!!! (with a big pot smoking gesture)
5. You know back in high school my name was Dick , but now it's Richard.
When I got my first job in Los Angeles. It was at Playboy and I was still known as Dick then and the president's name was also Dick. So we had two Dicks working at Playboy. They called him the head Dick and they called me the Dickhead...so I became Richard.
6.I have many more to consider, but I'm here in Kiev at an hot internet cafe and the guy next to me has big time European BO. It's choking me. More Later
2. You all know what a Freudian slip is, right? You know, like when a man meets a well endowed lady with serious cleavage for a business luncheon.
He says to her, "Hi there. You look great. Let's go have some breast, er lunch." A harmless (Freudian) slip of the tongue, right?
Well, I was having Thanksgiving dinner with my wife and five children and I meant to say, "Honey, please pass the gravy." Instead I said..."You miserable bitch, you ruined my life!!!"
Whoops. Not so harmless.
3. I love America. I'll always be a patriot for this country. I tried to enlist after 9 /11 as a spy. I told em I was Lebanese, I knew Arabic. They said what do you know?
I searched my brain and said, "I know La 'moutic intah. I know it means I''ll kill you. My mother said it all the time... when she threw her shoe at me..."
They said, "Get the fuck out of here"!!!.
4. I tried many times to quit smoking. It causes the condition that starts with a "P'? Uh what's it called? Um, uh??? Oh I know, PREMATURE DEATH"..
I tried so many different ways to quit. I even tried the patch. Anyone here used the patch? It worked? Really,that's great.
Well it didn't work for me. I think I must have rolled it too tight... I couldn't keep the dam thing lit!!! (with a big pot smoking gesture)
5. You know back in high school my name was Dick , but now it's Richard.
When I got my first job in Los Angeles. It was at Playboy and I was still known as Dick then and the president's name was also Dick. So we had two Dicks working at Playboy. They called him the head Dick and they called me the Dickhead...so I became Richard.
6.I have many more to consider, but I'm here in Kiev at an hot internet cafe and the guy next to me has big time European BO. It's choking me. More Later
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